How to Use Empathy with the FINESSE Fishbone Diagram
- JD Solomon
- 4 days ago
- 3 min read
Most technical professionals see empathy as secondary to presenting complex information. The FINESSE Fishbone Diagram® disagrees. Empathy—the first E—is foundational. It determines whether your message resonates with senior management or fades amid competing priorities and high‑stakes decisions.
Empathy is not about being nice. It is about understanding the decision maker’s world well enough to communicate in a way that helps them make a good decision. That is the essence of being a trusted advisor.
Why Empathy Matters More Than You Think
Empathy begins with one deceptively simple question: “Why were you asked to present?”
Most presenters get this wrong. They assume they were invited for a two‑way conversation, a chance to showcase expertise, or an opportunity to make their department look valuable. Those assumptions derail communication before the first slide appears.
Senior management asks you to present because they need to make a decision and need your help.
Your expertise, preparation, and pride must be secondary to their decision needs. Empathy means keeping those priorities clear.
Decision Makers Are Under Pressure
Many technical professionals overlook that decision makers are juggling multiple strategic decisions at once. Each one carries complexity, uncertainty, and political risk. Even a “simple” $60,000 issue looks different when placed inside a $20 million annual budget and a packed agenda.
Empathy means recognizing:
They may not fully understand the issue.
They may not agree with your recommendation.
The timing may not be right.
None of these is personal. They are predictable barriers that empathetic communicators anticipate and navigate.
Empathy Is Both a Born Ability and a Learned Skill
Whether empathy is learned or innate is an interesting academic debate. In practice, it doesn’t matter. What matters is that the burden of effective communication always rests on the presenter, not the decision maker.
Empathy requires you to:
Understand the decision maker’s perspective, not your own.
Slow the process down when needed.
Avoid overwhelming them with too many decisions in one session.
Provide information before the meeting so they aren’t forced to process under pressure.
These are not soft skills. They are strategic communication techniques.
Seven Blockers to Empathetic Listening
Empathy collapses quickly when we fall into common traps:
Mind reading
Rehearsing
Filtering
Daydreaming
Advising
Judging
Condescending
These blockers most often appear when we are stressed, rushed, or overly confident in our expertise. Empathy requires discipline to stay present, listen fully, and respond to what the decision maker actually needs (not what we assume they need).
Six Preparation Tips for Empathetic Communication
Empathy is built before the meeting, not during it. Your materials emphasize six preparation habits that consistently improve communication:
Share information early.
Provide conclusions up front.
Highlight conflicting perspectives.
Be brief.
Identify questions or concerns before the event.
Follow up afterward.
These actions demonstrate respect for the decision maker’s time and workload.
You only get one shot at credibility.
Empathy Leads to Action
Empathy is not passive. It is an active effort to make the decision maker feel understood and supported. Sometimes that means adjusting the agenda. Sometimes it means slowing the pace. Sometimes it means giving them space to process or consult their stakeholder group.
Empathy keeps the focus on helping the decision maker make a good decision. In summary, successful communication with empathy requires understanding decision makers’ needs, preparing in advance, anticipating barriers, and being flexible to support their decision-making process.
Using Empathy with FINESSE
Empathy is the first E in the FINESSE Fishbone Diagram®. It is the starting point for every effective communication effort involving complexity and uncertainty. Empathy is one part natural ability and one part a learned skill. Have you been trained to communicate with empathy? Start practicing empathy today! Are you Communicating with FINESSE?
The elements of the FINESSE Fishbone Diagram® are Frame, Illustrate, Noise reduction, Empathy, Structure, Synergy, and Ethics.
JD Solomon Inc. provides solutions for program development, asset management, and facilitation at the nexus of facilities, infrastructure, and the environment.
JD Solomon writes and speaks on decision-making, reliability, risk, and communication for leaders and technical professionals. His work connects technical disciplines with human understanding to help people make better decisions and build stronger systems. Learn more at www.jdsolomonsolutions.com and www.communicatingwithfinesse.com
